Give me my flowers when I’m alive
Gratitude means so much more than a synonym for “thankful”. If you ask me, if doesn’t mean thankful at all. It means respecting and appreciation for the present moment and present existence. To live a life of gratitude, it requires me to stop and think about the beauty of things that surround me each day. Most days I think about the people around me, possessions I have, aspects and components that are part of my life, accomplishments. Then, when it comes to building and setting goals, I often think about what is lacking… which can be a little dreadful, and pessimistic in energy. I look back and think about what I did and the perfectionist in me resets next year’s goals based on how it could be better. Rarely do I look at myself and celebrate the person I am inherently. Can’t say that’s a good or a bad thing, just is what is my habit. Every year as the calendar year ends, I also approach my birthday and begin to reflect on that so it’s a heavy reflection period.
Earlier this week I did an “experiment” of sorts that was introduced to me by a friend — it was something she did while she was in therapy. Though I don’t know the context of how it was used, I really wanted to connect with this exercise. This week, I asked some of my most trusted friends to tell me a few things they liked or admired about me.
This exercise reminds me of one a quote I’ve heard many times that truly resonates with me. Buy me my flowers while I’m alive. I don’t know where this came from or who first said it, but the point of it is this: don’t wait til life is over to celebrate it. Don’t just give flowers to the mourning. This is the heart of gratitude and the reason I buy myself flowers so often: to see a reflection of beauty, to be reminded that the wonder of life is meant to be celebrated each day. There is an obvious metaphor that while bouquets will perish, seeds are always sprouting flowers again. There are also flowers for every season… I could really go on. So this is a proper time to ask, so why don’t we do this enough?
Gratitude takes bravery. Bravery to be reflective. We are called to be brave to be in touch with our feelings and our observations, brave to be genuine and intentional in the words we choose, brave to communicate that openly to the people we cherish. Bravery to take action introspectively and externally. I can speak for myself and my circle: I don’t think we as humans do this enough.
I heard two quotes on the Mindfulness Podcast that said “never change unless you know why” and “never walk in a truth unless you know why”. And I’m excited to be able to walk in the light knowing myself a little bit better. Sometimes the things we lack or the things that have not yet found their way into their life and they may not ever. What is ours we already have, after all. I shouldn’t — and we shouldn’t — just focus on building off of our failures and our lacking.
The list I received back surprised me. Not in the surprising sense that I didn’t know these things about myself, not at all. But more so that these are the things I never realized that others cherish and admire about me as an individual and how I reflected myself outwardly every day. And instead of looking at the things I don’t have a result of this year, or the accomplishment milestones I missed, the promotion I didn’t achieve — I look forward to building my goals and plans for a year ahead based on the strengths and wonderful flowers my people reminded me are the wonder and beauty of me.
The spirit of this post is this: Maybe we have to give more flowers. Maybe we have to ask for our flowers. Maybe we have to know what flowers are all around us and within us. Maybe all of the above.
The aforementioned flowers can be found at this link: https://michtrace.medium.com/passionate-c9d2c4cc24e7. And thank you to everyone who contributed to this list. I am empowered and committed to giving you each more flowers every day. Happy new year.
